Untitled as for now, possible title: Empty
by chichirichick
Summary: gasp A 1xR fic in the beginning... but you know it won't stay that way. Won't give anything else away.
1. Default Chapter

He sat up from the bed, the sheets wrapped tightly around his waist. _Where am I? _He thought, blinking to try to focus his eyes in the darkness.

"Lay back down, Heero." He heard her soft, girlish voice from behind him. His stomach clenched up.

_I'm with her, again…_ He sat up from the bed, letting the sheets fall from him. Clothes were draped here and there across the floor, and he sifted through them to find his own. Heero slipped back into his clothes, attempted to leave the room half dressed.

"Where are you going?" Her tone had changed a little. She seemed angry, maybe hurt. But did he care? He couldn't care less.

"Home."

"Not yet, Heero, please?" She'd turned back to begging. He'd always have his way, since she was never strong enough to stand up for herself, especially against him.

"No, I'm leaving." He walked out the door of the bedroom and through the small kitchen. It was a standard apartment for people who lived on the base. Heero even had one of his own. They all did, all the Gundam pilots that is. 

He closed the door up behind him, leaning against it. A sigh slipped through his lips, as he clenched his eyes shut.

"Everything alright?"

Heero's eyes shot open. "Hn."

"You look pale."

There was no reply. Heero couldn't even believe that Trowa had said more than five words to him at once. He hadn't… done that since before the amnesia. But then again, Trowa didn't remember anything of _them_ before the amnesia. "I'm fine," he said, the usual perfect soldier voice.

"What's wrong?"

"What is this, a goddamn interrogation?" Heero slammed his hand against the frame of the door, thrusting himself past the taller pilot.

"You just never seem to happy after coming back from… staying with Relena."

Heero stopped suddenly. _Why are you rubbing salt in my wounds?_ "There's nothing wrong between Relena and I. I just… need some air."

There was silence for a moment between the both of them. "I'm sorry for asking." He could hear Trowa's footsteps continuing down the hallway.

"Where… are you going, Trowa?" Heero asked quietly.

"I'm going to see Quatre."

Heero started walking again, trying to get as far away from that idea as possible. Quatre and Trowa… those two together… always.

--

"You can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" Heero retorted quickly to Duo's declaration.

"Coming and going, out of her bed, into her bed. It shouldn't be such a hard decision." He was sitting there staring at the Japanese boy sitting on his bed, head in hands.

"How would you know, Duo?"

"Hey, I'm only here to listen to you blubber about your fucked life. I'm not saying I know anything." He hid away his usual baka smile, replacing it with this serious glare.

"...I just don't love her..." he finally said in reply.

"Did you tell her that?"

Heero rolled his eyes. "You're saying she'd listen?"

"Relena's a pretty sensible girl, Heero, you just have to explain this all to her."

"God damnit, Duo, she wants a family. She wants me to marry her. I'm not that kind of guy." He'd finally let it all slip, almost not fully on purpose. "Fuck," he said under his breath.

"A what?" Duo exclaimed, almost not surprised, but not expecting it.

"She wants everything I'm not giving." Heero looked up at Duo, frowning deeply. "You know this is about the sex, nothing more. I never asked... for real commitment, or said I'd give it myself. She dreams up these white picket fences... and it makes me sick."

"Because you're still not over him."

Heero growled suddenly. "No one asked you to bring him into this."

"It's the truth." Duo rolled his eyes. "Jesus, Heero, just forget about both of them."

"She's easy... but him..." Heero sighed. "I'm just so empty. She fills that spot for one night, each night. He filled it every time our eyes met, every time he touched me, every time-"

"Okay, too romantic there, Hee-chan." Duo actually grinned this time. "Told him so?"

"He knows."

"Erm... Hee-chan, he had amnesia, don't you think that does something to a guy?"

"He knows." Heero repeated himself, this time sharper. "I wish he knew it all..."

--

Heero went to round the corner but stopped short. He saw Quatre, his body in the doorframe. Heero moved back slowly behind the corner, concealing himself in order to listen.

"Trowa, come on!"

"Quatre..." his voice was soft, sending a small buzzing through Heero's brain.

"You're so boring, Trowa, please, try to have a little fun!"

"I can't, Quatre..."

"You're so gloomy."

"So?" Trowa was sounding a little resentful.

There was a silence, not even the sound of feet shuffling. Heero supposed they were holding each other, but he couldn't bring himself to look. "You're remembering things again, aren't you?"

"A little bit." Trowa's voice seemed uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?"

"Quatre... did I used to spend a lot of time with Heero?"

"Heero?" Heero's heart stopped as Quatre questioned it. Was he remembering? "For a while, yes, you did. He seems to have... shied away from you."

"I'm remembering things... that happened between us."

There was no reply for some time. Heero supposed that Quatre was confused. They'd never told anyone about the two of them... he didn't even think Trowa had let it slip to Quatre before his accident. "Things?" he had finally managed to squeak out.

"It's nothing." Trowa finally shrugged it off. Heero could hear his footsteps across the floor. "I'll be back later, okay?"

"Hm, sure." Quatre's voice wasn't so sure.

Heero slipped down the wall, wrapping his arms around his knees. _He remembers? He remembers the things that have happened between the two of us? And... he's still saying with Quatre._ He almost felt like crying. _But, damnit I won't cry._

"Heero?"

He looked up slowly, seeing her face. It was the last thing he wanted to see. His stomach twisted into another knot, and he felt sick again. "Relena."

"I've been looking for you."

"Why?"

"Will you be staying again tonight?"

The emptiness was eating at him again... and he could use her warmth... but he couldn't stand it another night. "No."

"What? Why?"

"Because I don't want to anymore." Finally, a decision. _I can't have Trowa, but then I won't have her either. I don't want her. She was a sad substitution. _

"I can't believe you!" She had started to ramble and yell on at him. Something about using her, something about love, something about everything that just made no sense to Heero.

He stood up abruptly, grabbing her arms, demanding her attention. "I'm an asshole. I'm cold. I'm awful. I'm sorry. I don't need a fucking lecture. I don't love you." He threw his arms off of hers and stormed down the hallway, trying to clear his head before opening his door.

Heero stopped at the door, hitting his head against it a few times. _She'll be back. She never gives up._ He ran his fingers against the door. _Why, if she won't give up, did he? Argh, I'm such an idiot._ He slammed his head again, this time very hard. His fingers finally reached for the doorknob and cracked it open, groping the walls in the dark sitting room.

He finally found the light-switch and flipped it. His heart practically wrenched from his chest. "What... what the hell are you doing here?"

Trowa didn't speak. He left a piece of paper on the table in his sitting room and began to walk past him, straight for the door. Heero went to grab for him, but Trowa dodged, still without a word. Heero stopped trying to catch him and stood there, his hands already starting to shake. "Trowa, please don't go." he caught himself saying right before Trowa was out the door.

The footsteps stopped for a moment, the sound of a turn. He felt a few fingers gently caress the nape of his neck, sending a warm sensation down his spine, and a small moan from his mouth. The warmth was abruptly taken away and the footsteps took themselves out of the room, not pausing another moment for one of Heero's requests.

He let himself indulge in the memory of the touch for a while, trying to remember the extreme warmth, and extreme feeling that he had actually experienced one again. Slowly he brought himself out of the dream and over to the table, eager to see what, if anything, Trowa had written on the paper.

__

I'm remembering things.

Touches.

Embraces.

Kisses.

Heero, are they real?

Did you really... say things like that to me?

Heero crumpled it in his fist, his teeth clenched, his hands shaking. "You should have stayed, I would have showed you how real they were..."


	2. Hidden Things

--

He'd gone, left nothing, not so much as a note. Quatre was the most outwardly upset, Heero being the most inwardly. A contact from Cathy was the first thing to arrive, informing _Quatre_ that Trowa was safe at the circus. 

_No note for me, except for that one. _The crumpled note was a constant in Heero's pocket. He'd, stupidly, never confronted Trowa about it later, letting it sit dead for about a week before Trowa just got up and left. _Why'd you go so soon? I'm such a coward..._

Heero took the note out again, reading it over. He sat back in his chair and shut his eyes, trying to drift into something of a calm sleep. The door opened suddenly, the brunette girl standing there, tears streaked down her face. He didn't know what to say, just stared at her.

"Heero, where have you been?"

"Here..." he answered quietly, still quite confused at her reasons for being there.

"Heero, when were you planning on coming home?"

_Home? What home is she talking about?_ "I am home."

"No, you're not. When we're together it's home."

_Here she goes with these ideas again. _"What home is there, Relena, when I don't love you, and there's nothing there to make me stay?" Heero was completely calm, the tone of his voice never changing.

"You have to stay now, Heero."

"Nani?"

"I'm pregnant."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Heero stood up quickly, grabbing the girl by the arms. "You're lying! Tell me you're lying!"

"I'm not. It's your baby. Your's and mine."

"Like hell it's my baby! We used every possible protection! This was the exact reason!" Heero was actually throwing a fit for once in his life.

"I..."

"You whore." Heero muttered, his mouth dropping open a little. "You lied to me."

"I didn't mean to, Heero, it was just that..."

"Just what?"

"I was loosing you..."

"You never had me!"

"Yes I did! Yes I did!" She grabbed onto his shirt, hanging on him. "We were in love, Heero, please, don't you remember?"

"Remember what?"

"Remember us?"

"No, Relena, the only _us_ I ever remember was me and Trowa!" _Shit! I said it to her... to her of all people! No one knew, and now Relena._

"You and... Trowa Barton?"

"We were... we..."

"You're delusional," she laughed. "Where in god's name did you get the idea of you and Trowa?"

"You're right... I am delusional..." _God, I want to cry. Maybe I did dream all this up, and Trowa and I were never anything._ Heero walked past her, walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"_Home._"

--

He'd been running ever since he left the base. _I can't stop. I just can't stop._ He crashed into the gate, standing there, gasping for breath. _She can't be... she has to be lying!_ He looked up, quickly estimating the height of the jump he'd have to make. Being the ex-perfect soldier paid off, and he landed softly on the other side of the gate.

Heero made his way through the empty lot, hearing only the grass folding underneath his feet. "What are you doing here?" Heero stopped immediately, his eyes slowly tearing themselves from the ground. "Heero, why are you here?"

"I..." _I'm choking down the tears, can you see, Trowa?_ "I can't do this anymore." Heero walked over to him, pressing himself into the taller boy's chest. "I just can't."

Trowa stood there, aghast at the other pilot's face hidden in the fabric of his shirt, and his hands gripping to his back. "What... what are you talking about?" his voice didn't seem as stern as before, when greeting him.

"I can't stand that girl... I can't stand what I'm avoiding... I can't stand-" he stopped abruptly, taking in a gasp of air, pressing back the sobs.

"Can't stand what?" Trowa had finally let that caring sound come over in his voice, as he allowed himself to use a hand to pet Heero's hair.

Heero looked up at him, his eyes bursting to the brim with tears. Trowa's eyes widened at the sight, but more so after he heard Heero's words. "I can't stand being without you."

"Heero, I..."

"Don't say it, Trowa, please..." Heero finally let the tears go, collapsing himself in Trowa's arms. "I know it's not that way anymore... Just let me pretend for just a few minutes."

"Pretend away..." Trowa whispered, finally holding him, burying his head in Heero's hair. "Please, Heero, pretend as much as you want."

"Oh, Trowa..." He had begun to tremble, his hands still clenching tight to the material. "I didn't know where else to go... I didn't know what to do... I still don't..."

"What happened?" Trowa couldn't help but loose himself while holding him.

"Relena... she's pregnant... and all... all I could think about was you..." he was stuttering now, wheezing, and hardly talking.

"She's pregnant?" Trowa pulled him away for a moment, looking him in the eyes. "It's your's?"

"Y...ye...yes..." Heero couldn't look him in the eye.

"How...?"

"She lied to me! She said it was safe! I never wanted this... I never even allowed it the chance to happen... but that stupid bitch..." Heero closed his eyes, trying to push away the memory of her.

"You love her, Heero?"

"No!" He finally met with those green orbs, "I love you!"

Things were silent for a moment, both of them regaining their hold on their thoughts. "Where is she, now, Heero?" Trowa asked quietly.

"I don't know. God, I don't care..." he murmured. "I'm having a baby with a woman I hate."

"Then why be with her in the first place?"

Heero looked up for a moment, a little angry. "Why?" His tears cleared quickly, the thoughts ringing through his head. "Because you were out with Quatre, not remembering anything, and I needed some one!" He couldn't believe the trip from extreme sadness to anger.

"I was with Quatre?"

"You lived with him!"

Trowa let a little grin slip. "Living doesn't mean anything..."

"We did. It meant something."

Trowa blinked, his eyes void of thought. "We were together?"

Heero's mouth practically dropped open, but then he remembered the fact that Trowa hadn't been all there after the crash. He dropped his head, pounding it against Trowa's chest. "We were together for a long time, in secret, not telling anyone."

"Why did we do that?" He seemed like this innocent child, exploring the idea of those two being together, physically together.

Heero chuckled softly. "I don't know."

"Did you... enjoy it?"

"I wouldn't be upset about it if I hadn't enjoyed it..." Heero murmured, slowly moving his head from Trowa's chest. _I should stop this. I'm acting like a child._

"Heero..." Heero gasped as he felt Trowa's hands cupping at the back of his neck. "How long has it been?" Trowa moved in, his movements slow and unsure.

"Long..." Heero reached in, anxious to feel him. Their lips met, soft and slow. _He doesn't have any idea what he's doing anymore. As if I'm any better._ Heero didn't push, leaving the two with a chaste, sweet kiss. "Arigato."

"You're welcome..." He held Heero for a little longer, their faces just nose to nose. "Heero?"

"Hn."

"Are you going to stay?"

--

hehe, I know it's evil to leave you hanging there, but I'm going to ^_^


	3. Hospital Meeting

--

He woke up suddenly from the long sleep. The sun was conveniently slanting through the shades on the windows, making little patterns across the bed. It was quiet, dark, and warm, unusually warm. Heero turned over, his face met with the sight of Trowa's, sleeping peacefully beside him. _Is this a dream? When did this happen?_ Heero sat up slowly, noticing the nightclothes that weren't his.

There was a yawn from behind him and a hand touched the t-shirt he was wearing. "You've been sleeping for a while..."

Heero turned to look at him, seeing the sleepily dazed green eyes that he had been used to waking up next to. "Have you be there the whole time?"

"On and off." Trowa finally sat up himself, hoisting himself off the edge of the bed and into a standing position near it's edge. "I don't sleep well during the night."

"I know." Heero answered quietly. "We used to work on that."

Trowa didn't reply.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"N... no."

Heero fell bad down on the bed, slipping his head into the pillow, memorizing the look, the feel of the room he was in. "I'll need to get a few things."

"I understand."

"Will you come with me?" Heero almost seemed to have this worried sound to his voice.

"I'll protect you," there was this hint of teasing in his voice.

"From her, yes."

"Come on, then." Trowa slid him out of the bed against his will.

They both dressed out of their nightclothes and walked out the door, the sun blinding Heero for a few seconds. It'd been nice and dark in the room, but the outside was much different. They walked down the street, neither of them talking or getting too close to one another. _I guess it's still not perfectly comfortable for him._

"In." Trowa pushed him gently, trying to get Heero to go through the door they'd finally arrived at. "Don't be stubborn."

"What if she's-"

"Don't think about that. You're here to get some things. Did I say I'd take care of you?"

Heero walked through the door cautiously, Trowa trailing close behind him. The hallway was empty for once, and Heero wanted to make sure it stayed that way while he was there. He walked to his apartment, opening the door with his key. 

"Heero!" The girl plunged into his arms.

"Relena..." Heero pushed her away gently. "Please..."

"I knew you'd come back!" She was still teary-eyed and clung to him.

"I-"

"Come on, Relena." Trowa came from the side, pulling her away from the other boy slowly. "Why don't you come with me for a moment."

"Trowa? No, I want to stay with Heero!" Relena pushed herself off of Trowa, staring in confusion at the two boys standing there.

"Relena, please, I'm just here to get a few things..."

"Where are you going, Heero?"

"To live with Trowa."

"You're... doing what?"

"Living with Trowa." Heero didn't look at her once, but just walked past her, getting the things he thought he'd need. "Don't make a big deal out of this."

"How can I not? I'm pregnant, Heero, pregnant!"

Heero shut his eyes, his fist tightening around the handle of the drawer he was about to open. "You don't think I know that already?"

"You do, but why won't you stay?"

He turned sharply, staring at her. "Because, even though your little childish brain thought so, becoming pregnant would not in any way make me obligated to stay. You fucked yourself on this one. The babies mine, and yes, I won't abandon it, but I will abandon you."

Trowa came up behind Heero, taking a hold of his other hand that was relaxed at his side. "I'll get the rest of your things. This fighting doesn't need to happen." Trowa had whispered to quietly, so as not for Relena to hear.

"Hn." Heero slowly slipped his hand away and walked out the door, slamming it.

"Trowa, why is he going?"

"I don't know." Trowa shuffled through the drawer, taking things at random.

"You do to!"

"Don't get cross with me, Relena." Trowa looked back at her, staring.

"What's going on, Trowa? Has... Heero found another girl? Is that what it is?" The tears threatened to fall again. "You seem to know something you're not telling me..."

"I do. But I don't think it's mine to tell." Trowa mimicked Heero, walking past her with a two smaller bags in his hands.

"If you know who he loves, Trowa, tell me!"

Trowa paused at the door, his hand slowly flexing on the doorknob. "Relena... he loves me."

There wasn't a reply, not even a whimper, just complete silence. Trowa opened the door finally, taking a step outside. He couldn't hear a sound, nothing but his own breathing. The door shut slowly behind him as he walked down the hallway, seeing the dark haired boy standing outside the door of the base, his head hung low.

Neither said a word the way home. The conversation between Trowa and Relena was never repeated, but just forgotten between the two of them. Heero's bags were unpacked into their old drawers, drawers that had been empty since Trowa had gotten back from his MIA state. Trowa paused for a moment, holding one of Heero's shirts in his hand. "This goes in the other drawer."

"Nani?"

"You never put it in this drawer. It always went in the other one."

Heero stood, his mouth open slightly. "You... remember?"

Trowa smiled, opening the other drawer. "How could I forget?"

--

"Are you the father?" The nurse asked.

"Yes."

"Well, Mr. Peacecraft, it's a beautiful baby boy. Would you like to see your wife now?"

He didn't seem very affected by the news of the baby. "She's not my wife."

"Well, would you like to see her now?"

"No, thank you." He stood up. "Can I see the baby?"

"Yes, this way, please." The nurse sounded slightly confused, but she led him into the nursery, pointing to one of the little beds through the glass. "That one, sir."

"Arigato." He placed his hand on the glass, almost covering the sight of the baby. He sighed, his head hitting the glass lightly. "A baby boy."

"Heero?" His head turned at the recognition of his name, seeing the tall boy walking towards him. "I came when I got the call. Are they alright?"

"It's a baby boy..." he murmured.

"Heero?" Trowa seemed a little confused the murmuring.

"A healthy baby boy." He tightened his hand to a fist on the glass. "Both of them are healthy, fine, and just... there." He pointed to the baby.

"It looks like you." Trowa snuck up behind in, wrapping his arms around Heero's waist.

"I didn't need to hear that..."

"I know, but don't they always say that when some one has a baby?"

Heero allowed himself to chuckle for a little at his comment.

"Have you seen her yet?"

"I don't want to."

"Heero, please-"

"I said I don't. The baby's enough." Heero leaned back in his arms. "I don't want to see her again. Ever again."

Trowa kissed him on the cheek, gently slipping him out of his arms and taking his hand. "You'll have to, since you're seeing the baby. Come on, we'll see her together."

Heero gave him a skeptical look, but Trowa dragged him along. After a little of a search, they had found her room. Trowa knocked on the door gently, Heero holding tightly onto his hand, practically hiding behind him as if a small child. They were met by a man, tall, blond hair; they both knew him very well. "Zechs," Trowa said in some tone that would be used to say 'hello.'

"What are you-" He stopped, his eyes falling on Heero. "I see." The door pulled open the rest of the way, Zechs completely disappearing from the frame, now making his way back to the bed.

"Congratulations, Relena." Trowa couldn't think of what else to say. _As if that dumb line was the best thing to say, anyway?_

"Thank you." She said quietly, avoiding his eyes. Instead, she stared at Heero, her eyes obviously watering up again.

"He's beautiful." Heero said quietly, still hiding behind Heero.

There was complete and utter silence between the group. Heero, even with Trowa's nudges, refused to budge from behind him. Zechs finally broke it with a large, deep breath. "Can I speak with you? Alone." He was staring at Heero.

"Hn." Heero walked out of the room, slowly slipping his fingers from Trowa's.

As soon as they were out the door, Zechs had cornered him against a wall. "What the hell were you thinking, Heero?"

"Zechs, you're being irrational." Heero was placid on the outside, his eyes never wavering from Zechs. "You have one side of the story, and it's hers."

"Hers is enough to make me sick at your behavior. And then you have the nerve to come here, in there, with him."

Heero clenched his teeth. "Leave Trowa out of this."

"Fine."

"You can't blame me for this."

"Oh, yes, I can. And I will."

"Did she tell you why she got pregnant, Zechs?"

"There was no why. It was your own brash accident."

Heero laughed, getting an angry glare from Zechs. "Our accident? Hers, Zechs, it's hers." Heero grabbed him suddenly, taking him by the shoulders. "I was never going to hurt her like this. And it wasn't going to continue like it did even if she hadn't become pregnant. She did this so she could cage me, keep me attached to her in some sad way, but it backfired. The baby is mine, I know that, and I've taken that into thought. I'm going to help raise it, but she can do whatever the hell she wants without me. I'm not going to feel empty just for her pleasure."

"You-"

"No, I did everything to stop her from becoming pregnant, believe me. I wanted to avoid this situation at all costs, but your idiot little sister messed all this up." Heero let him go, trying to scoot out from his corner. "Now, let me get Trowa, and I'll leave. I won't bother her anymore."

"Heero, I-"

"Please, Zechs, don't explain." He let Heero out and Heero rushed for the door, opening it and signaling Trowa to come. Trowa had begun to walk down the hallway, but Heero stopped for a moment, looking at Zechs. "Comfort her, because I sure as hell won't."


	4. Final Death

--

He walked back into the house, pulling his keys out of the doorknob as he walked through the door. "Trowa?"

The tall brunette walked through one of the doors of the hallway, poking his head into the kitchen where Heero had come in. "Hey."

Heero actually made an attempt to smile for him, feeling better that he was actually home for once, with Trowa. It'd been nice, getting a separate apartment for them, Trowa not being totally confined to the circus, but allowing him to still work there, and Heero finding some nice computer job that he was actually succeeding at. "How did it go?"

He made a blank stare at him. "Nani?"

"Heero, you know what I'm talking about."

"Fine." He threw down his jacket on one of the chairs and walked slowly to the living room, ignoring Trowa who reached for him.

"That's not enough." Trowa said sternly, finally grabbing Heero by one of his belt loops.

Heero stopped abruptly, jerking forward a little, not realizing that Trowa had grabbed him. "What more do you need to know? Is it really your business?" He snapped at Trowa quickly.

Trowa pulled him around, sending Heero right into him. His arms wrapped around Heero's waist tightly, holding him in place. "Don't be rude, Heero."

Heero laughed lightly. "Is this what I get for being rude? Maybe I should more often..."

"Don't change the subject." Trowa tilted Heero's chin back with his hand. "How is she? How is the baby? Did you give them the money?"

"You're so goddamn worried about them..." He growled.

"Because I know if Cathy was in this situation I'd make sure the guy did the same thing. I don't want to see any girl left on her own. And I want to make sure the guy I love takes care of his problems."

"Fine..." Heero rolled his eyes slowly and let out a huff on air. "She went on and on about Zechs and Noin for a while, she seemed pretty fine. The baby..." Heero trailed off, tilting his head slowly, but quickly shook it off. "It was the baby."

"Heero, he has a name."

Heero rolled his eyes again. "Koji."

Trowa cleared some of the bangs from Heero's face and pushed them behind his ear, gently bringing his fingertips down the side of Heero's face afterwards. "Don't act like it's torture, Heero."

"I can't help it," Heero pulled his face away a little. "I just don't want it."

"Him, Heero. And yes, you want Koji. You love him, Heero, it's obvious, you're just too thick-headed to admit it," Trowa smiled and kissed him gently.

"I wish it was dead."

"Heero!" Trowa looked at him surprised. "Don't ever say that again."

"I... won't."

--

"Relena?" Heero walked through the dark room, having let himself in. It was his daily visit to the baby, but the house seemed rather empty now. "She must have gone out..." He walked into the hallway and to the bedroom door, turning the knob slowly. He peeked in, seeing Relena lying on the bed. _Damnit, she's asleep. The baby's probably in his crib._

Heero shuffled over to the crib quietly, looking in between the bars. There was no Koji. Heero made a quick turn, looking at Relena. Nor was he sleeping in his mother's arms. An eerie feeling gripped him. _Where is the baby?_ "Relena!"

There was no reply.

"This isn't funny, Relena. No games." He walked over to the bed and grabbed her, pulling her up a little. She was limp, cold in his hands. "R... Relena...?" He let her go quickly, her body draping on the bed. Her eyes were white, rolled back in her head. "What's going on?"

The nausea rose up in his throat and he ran for the bathroom, trying to suppress it. He stopped in the bathroom doorway, his breath and any feeling of nausea ceasing. "Koji!" The baby was lying back in the tub of water, his one little hand grasping out of it. Heero dived for the ground, scooping the baby out of the water quickly. He was hardly breathing, the water having already practically filled his lungs. "Oh, God, Koji..." Heero was utterly confused. What was he supposed to do?

Holding the baby tightly to him, Heero rushed back into the other room, the nausea gripping him again for a moment as he saw the body. He picked up the phone, turning his back to the dead body so he could talk. "Hello?"

"Zechs!" Heero shouted into the phone, not sure if he was the one to call or not.

"Heero? Heero, what's wrong?"

"The baby, Zechs, Relena... I don't know what happened..."

"Heero, what's going on? What's wrong with Relena? The baby?"

"He won't breath! God, I think she's dead! I think..."

"What?"

"Dead! Dead!" Heero screamed for a moment at the phone, just dead over and over. Zechs stayed silent. "Zechs, please, do something... I can't..."

"I'll get some help, Heero, just hold on."

The phone clicked. _Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god! _Heero looked at the tiny baby, it had started to turn cold, started going blue. "No!" Heero ran back to the bathroom wrapping him in a towel.

_"I wish it was dead."_

"Why did I ever say that..."

--

Heero sat there, the black suit making him uncomfortable. It wasn't the only thing making him uncomfortable. He felt the glare of everyone. Everyone blaming him for this. Everyone did... except for maybe Trowa. And maybe... He looked down at the baby curled up against the suit. _Do you blame me? I suppose you do, since I killed your mother. Finally._

Trowa put his hand on Heero's shoulder, slowly letting it slip to his waist. "It's over, Heero, you can stop standing here now."

Heero nodded, but didn't move. _I can't leave. It's like they're all staring at me. It's as if this was how she wanted it. Goddamn her revenge._ "Trowa, I need to ask you something."

"Would you like to wait until we get home?"

"No. She has to be here to hear this."

Trowa walked in front of the boy, looking concerned at him. "She's dead, Heero."

"But she's listening."

He sighed. "Alright. Ask away."

"It's about the baby..."

"I thought this was coming." Trowa smiled gently at him. "Do what you think is right."

"Zechs and Noin offered to take it... him." Heero looked down at him, clearing a tiny brown bang from the little infant's face.

"They could take good care of him."

Heero sighed. "I don't want to let Koji go now."

"Then don't."

"You mean it?"

"Mean what? That you can keep your son?"

"Yes..."

"Heero, I wouldn't deny you that right."

"But what about us-"

"It won't matter. We'll stay together, same house, same life, just adding another little guy to it."

"Really?"

"Yes." Trowa gently lifted the baby from Heero's arms. "Besides, I was getting attached to him anyway. I was getting attached to you both."


End file.
